Commonwealth essay 2006
The difference I make
Under the dazzling, spotty colors of the disco light, I begin to find my target. I reject all those that are happily dancing away or drinking with their friends. My prime targets in fact are the loners in the pub. Still I have to be picky when it comes to selecting the correct type of targets. People who are practically drinking with an expression of mental exhaustion are the most approachable. For tonight, it shall be a beautiful lady drink lonely at the bar.
Even under the dim light, she appears to be young with a fair complexion. Pity she seems to be stressed by something otherwise her hair will not be in a messy state. Those dreamy stare form her eyes, having being semi-shut by her eyelids, are focused onto her own cup as she lifts it up for refill. At the same time, her body seems to be swaying left and right. This drunken trance is definitely going to help me a lot.
Such people prove to be rather difficult to handle on the whole, since trying to talk some sense into them is not easy. Half of the time the person is not even clear of his surroundings, thus it is difficult to persuade them to consume the drug.
I confront her and slide a packet of pink tablets on the table telling her that is good stuffs. Predictably, she shoves away the packet without even looking at me. But still I am not going to stop just here yet. This time I shaft it into her hand tightly; telling her that upon consuming it, it will relief her of all the misery.
She replies with a suspicious look then almost immediate she consumes one of the pills. After which she walks off to the dancing area. Perhaps she is doing this so as only to get rid of me as she seems to want to be left alone. Whatever it is, I join her. This is what I like to call entertaining my “clients”.
Soon, the symptoms of the “pink lady” starts to set into it victim. It is pretty obvious to me after all such reactions are part of my daily routine or rather nightly routine in life. With her hands up in the air waving back and forth and body shaking vigorously, she is making full use of the ecstasy tablet. Now she is currently switched to the “high” mood. The changes in behavior are enough to tell that my job is done for the night .However within a day or so the victim will definitely come back to me. After all it is extremely predictable, once taken the forever hooked onto it. It is the person’s doom’s day on the start of their first consumption.
I have seen too much of these. The habit appears impossible to break away from. It seems to me that everyone that accepts my offer always comes back to me to feed their addictions. From then, I see a drastic mutation carrying out in the victim on each return. The addicts look normal at first. Unfortunately, time have the addicts weathered into a state of exhaustion and depression. Even attires of the addicts are being reduced to ragged clothes with an unshaven and unwashed image. Until one day, the person finally disappears out of my life.
Then the whole cycle starts all over again, I go to hangouts introduce the stuffs, get people hook on to it and my job is done. Within a day or two, people will start coming to me for more drugs. Some are just getting to adapt to the new drug while others have already become a habit that they have to take drugs. The number of lives that I have ruined because of mine was not a small amount. Come to speak of it; I have lost count. Then again what else can I do? My own habit is practically dependable on potential or current drug addicts. Therefore, chances are either I have myself suffer through the cold turkey or destroy others’ lives for my own.
For that I choose to be a living parasite feeding on others while their own lives deteriorate. These people have themselves caught, otherwise went through cold turkey. Those who are luckier have an earlier death, while the worst of them still remain on world wondering aimlessly. It is an irony that I never feel sorry that their lives were destroyed. Maybe time and repetitions have me heartless. Nevertheless I still have the accumulating guilt within myself that I find inevitable.
My life may seem to be a sad one with lots of people going through pain and anxiety. But once awhile I will encounter some inspiring cases. Especially where there are people whom stood firm and resisted my temptations. Sometimes I do get annoyed when they talked back to me then again it is a good thing. At least I do not have to carry a heavier grief before I die. Sad to say most people simply betrayed themselves, probably due to stress.
So I live each day through trafficking drugs. This has resulted in my loss of my own conscience. Even as time files so does my emotion depart from me, leaving me cold on the inside. Knowing that I am beyond hope, my friends and even loved ones are starting to drift away from me. At the same time within me stood a stockpile of worries and phobias of someday being caught by the police.
Nevertheless if it is really unlucky for me to be caught then I jolly well will be giving in myself. After all that is my life, I live to take away others happiness and future and having to end up dying with guilt and misery. That shall be the difference I make- to turn the healthy to weaklings; to bring the well-to-do to a state of poverty. It is going to be my past, present and who knows future of me.
Done by: Yong Jia Jie
3e2
Took me three weeks to write this. Know why? Cause the question is so bloody hell misleading. Due to the word "make" i presume it has to be written in the present tense. In the end i spent too much time because of trying to turn my essay into the present.
